You know it – you’re sitting with your girlfriends over wine and someone asks the question: “So how many times a week do you and your partner do it?” The atmosphere thickens, cheeks flush and panic hits: “Are we normal, or do we have a problem?” We dissected exactly this burning dilemma in our big survey and the results might really throw you off.
Norms and expectations
Sexologists are clear: society still clings to a kind of “golden standard” – the supposed frequency of two to three times a week is repeated in magazines and TV shows like a mantra. Yet these norms often come from small, outdated samples or romanticized movie scenes. On top of that, online discussions and social media reinforce the idea that the more, the better. The result is pressure that can break even the best relationship.
Add the commercial world that pushes erotic toys, aphrodisiacs and “miracle” apps for scheduling lovemaking, and suddenly you find yourself in the middle of a labyrinth of expectations that’s hard to escape.
Survey and its results
The editorial team of our magazine approached 2,800 respondents aged 22–55 living in long-term relationships. The questionnaire was anonymous and, besides the frequency of intercourse, also examined satisfaction, mental state and external factors.
Shocking numbers? Definitely!
- 21% of couples have sex less than once a month.
- 34% make love once to twice a month.
- 26% reported a frequency of once a week.
- Only 15% reach the “magic” threshold of twice to three times a week.
- Just under 4% enjoy sex four times a week or more.
What’s the juiciest part? When we asked the same sample how often they think “normal” couples should have sex, the average answer was: three times a week. The gap between reality and assumption is glaring.
Factors influencing frequency
Some answers were repeated so often that clear patterns emerged. Four main categories crystallized:
- Mental well-being and stress – Career pressure, mortgages, childcare. Cortisol is libido’s number-one killer, and our data show stress most often underlies “dry” spells.
- Physical health – Chronic illnesses, hormonal imbalance or sheer exhaustion. Body and mind are one, and without energy there’s no desire.
- Communication – Couples who dare to talk openly about sex report higher satisfaction even if actual frequency isn’t high. Silence breeds the most misunderstandings.
- Life stage – New relationship versus ten years of marriage, small kids versus empty nest. Libido shifts in every phase and that’s perfectly natural.
How couples feel
The most interesting part of the survey was the purely subjective question: “Are you satisfied with your current lovemaking frequency?” Results:
- Satisfied were 57% (!) of couples, across all frequency categories.
- Dissatisfied were 29% – mostly those who wanted more sex but ran into fatigue or mismatch.
- Ambivalent 14% – “it’s OK, but there’s room for improvement.”
This shows that the subjective feeling of fulfillment carries far more weight than the calendar number. Some couples in the “once a month” bracket describe sex as an extraordinary ritual they look forward to all month. Conversely, couples at three times a week sometimes feel they’ve slid into routine.
What really matters
A lively debate with experts revealed several universal insights:
- Quality over quantity – Ten minutes without a phone and with real focus can bring more than hour-long marathons checked off as duty.
- Emotional connection – Studies show oxytocin, the love hormone, is released more with a sense of closeness than with orgasm alone.
- Respect for differences – Libido fluctuates for everyone. No “you must want it as much as I do.” Instead: listen, ask, find compromise.
- Variety – Changing environment, time of day or position can break stereotypes and spark desire without necessarily increasing total encounters.
Psychologist MUDr. Daniela Bartošová adds: “A problem arises when partners stop talking. Not when they make love once a week or once a month.”
Conclusion: Every couple is different
So – how often do “normal” couples do it? On average less than we think, and definitely less than pop culture dictates. No real norm exists, because every relationship creates its own based on emotions, circumstances and mutual respect. Let’s stop stressing about numbers and ask instead: “Do we feel satisfied and connected?” If yes, then your frequency is exactly right – no matter what the headlines say. And if not, the key may not lie in a calculator but in an open conversation and a willingness to find common ground. Every couple is unique, and that’s precisely the most beautiful secret of love.
